AM: we have already talked a lot about what the concept of being organized, of planning, of being schematic represents for you, so we are not going to focus today on this part of the concept, but we are going to focus on the specific topic of the meaning of organism for you.
Me: while organizing action is something very natural to me, being part of an organism, being part of a whole and being functional to that whole in which I am is highly dichotomous, frustrating and I know and feel it is one of the most important concepts that I have come to work on.
AM: we have talked a lot about your struggles with injustices, about not fitting into any organizational group, about not feeling you belong to any social group, about finding in everyone something that does not make you feel comfortable, in short, topics that turn out to be synonymous with what you have to work on in this path.
Me: I usually ask myself in all this work that we do every day why I am this way. What is the cause that always leads me to have to find that which makes me uncomfortable, and over which, I begin to glimpse that a social group has certain precepts and performs certain actions that automatically expel me from that environment? If I stay, I feel dirty, I feel uncomfortable. I can take it, but the pressure is mounting, and at any moment I can explode, so I walk away. When I leave, I look for other groups, and the whole process starts again until I find something.
AM: you know that, in your level of demand, in your valuation of concepts, in your search for perfection in everything, and in trying to place yourself in your center of coherence and balance with your being, added to your inflexibility with the energy in which you have come here and now, makes this kind of work arduous.
Me: you don’t even need to say it. Looking for the hair on the egg, suspecting that something is not right and looking for where that is to tell myself that I knew it was not right, and that what I suspected was true. From trying to put expectations in a group and then having the disappointment that what that group does is just the same as others and they are just as harmful as those others. To follow people who start being a fresh air in all this world of hostile beings, and then, you realize that they are a farce since their inconsistencies even turn out to be much greater than those who are unbalanced in an unconscious way.
AM: ah! I forgot to add to your battery of concepts that of being lapidary with everything you think.
Me: haha. Yes, I am lapidary. It’s something that comes out of me. Before you say it, I am lapidary and sarcastic. My eloquence, my quick thinking, my strong character, make that harmful combo of spitting badly, many times, what I express. My environment, many times, is astonished. I mislead them. They must think: this guy is a tomato. And I realize it. It is part of that emotion that I am working on. It’s not the same as before. But it’s still there crouching.
AM: there is a lot of mixture in this talk today. And the concept of how you feel as a cell within this organism that is planet Earth is not becoming clear.
Me: I feel like a cell that is alone fighting all those bacteria, germs and viruses that are harmful to the system. I try to find some other cell out there, that fights in the same way as me, and no, there is none. Sometimes there seems to be one, I see many cells that follow it, and as I get closer and see how they think, I say to myself, great, I have already found someone who also has many followers that follow that path. Then, almost instantly, I see the farce. And the poor obtuse cells that follow the big savior cell, that make me feel sorry for them.
AM: grim story
Me: but I don’t feel that way. Of course, it did, some other time. I don’t feel that way now. I don’t find it hard, or emotionally negative, to think this. I feel comfortable. I don’t feel the extreme need to belong to a group. With my modest intimate family nucleus, my friends, who are few, but who I know I can fit in as I am, who love me as I am, and who I love as they are, each and every one of those I feel within that environment, completes me affectively, emotionally, and as a being. I could be much more, I know, but I have no demands in this regard.
AM: because your needs are elsewhere. That has been your work in the Virgo energy with which you have chosen to come to this path here and now. You had to give to others, and the rejection that you felt from your beginnings from the environment, you feel the same today. Without knowing it, since you were a child, you began to look for the reason for that rejection, and you found in all those beings’ things that you did not like about them. And you learned to see in all those details that you rejected yourself. Today you still see them, but you have understood that you needed to be a complete being of affection, and you alone were not going to be able to complete it. And you were satisfied with putting together a group in which you were able to accept their mistakes, just as they accepted yours, and on this you were able to create your armor to the rejection of the environment. Whoever rejects you today does not affect you, because you already have your group. In short, very similar to what the rest does.
AM: what’s wrong with you?
Me: lapidary, harsh.
AM: but not sarcastic
I invite you all to watch Matias’ video with the topic of the day.
We end here the month of Capricorn energy, and we review the concepts presented below
AM: in Mentalism Me: I am the ladder to the Divine
AM: in correspondence Me: I am the ladder of consciousness
AM: in vibration Me: I am the stairway to the Universal library
AM: in rhythm Me: I am the ladder to all levels
AM: in cause and effect Me: I am the ladder to all beings
AM: in polarity Me: I am the rungs of evolution
AM: in generation Me: I am each step of my experience
AM: in the law Me: I am the branches of the genealogical tree
AM: in the systems Me: I am the stairway to heaven
AM: in stability Me: I am the eternal ascension
AM: in reason Me: I am the home of the Spirit
AM: in projects Me: I am home to Consciousness
AM: in help Me: I am home of truth
AM: in relationships Me: I am home of the heart
AM: in family Me: I am home of the self
AM: in frustration Me: I am home of the Matrix
AM: in work Me: I am home to universal children
AM: in adversity Me: I am home to the wanderers
AM: in beliefs Me: I am home to the learners
AM: in the plan Me: I am the eternal home
AM: in religion Me: I am the divine essence
AM: in politics Me: I am the conscious essence
AM: in education Me: I am the essence of truth
AM: in economics Me: I am the essence of love
AM: in technology Me: I am the essence of the I Am
AM: in culture Me: I am the essence of the Mother Matrix
AM: in agriculture Me: I am the essence of the Father Master
AM: in the foundations Me: I am the essence of the Path of Light
AM: in the scheme Me: I am the essence of the deep
AM: in the organism Me: I am the eternal essence