Love can be defined by the sense that is most familiar to us. Although throughout history falling in love has been properly considered as a state of «transitory madness», what really distinguishes it from the «madness» of true Love is the character of continuity given to it by the intrinsic project it contains. The lover is granted a license for the future, which he may or may not use, but which is categorically denied to the lover, understanding by lover the protagonist of the great Love. For this reason, among others, we say that couple love is simply circumscribed to a social way of loving, not to an essential way of loving.
We know that psychoanalysis isolates a type of object choice that we call anaclitic or supportive. A relationship that is realized by relying on the images of the paternal figures and leads to the fact that any subsequent finding of the first object of love is an attempt at reunion: «One loves, in the end, the woman who feeds or the man who protects». In searching among others according to this model, it happens that one will never find an object of love to measure, because, at a given moment, the subject is satisfied with what he has, tired of a search that never arrives at a real encounter with the beloved.
The projects and life in common are thus outlined as a state of comfort in the face of that lack that distresses us and that is sought to be repaired through love. Monotony, in these cases, is the demonstrative experience that the absence cannot be fulfilled: that it continues to be felt in spite of the existence of the other at its side. It has been called «love in the West» a project that is initially disguised by falling in love but that soon becomes a common enterprise that usually leads to that which, in Montaigne’s words, is only free at the beginning: marriage.
This social conformism that defines the couple is usually preceded by the phase of falling in love. Falling in love makes one tend to look ahead, to set dates, to program. Subject to neurosis, the initial desire of those in love ends up being exhausted and, if everything turns out favorably, boredom, in the best of cases, degrades it into simple friendship. Everything is thus much healthier, from the point of view of health and morality, than what happens in the case of true love, whose brutality scourges the lovers before the placid gaze of the couples.
I invite everyone to read Matias’ post with the topic of the day.