Antonio Larruy states that the first thing we should ask ourselves is why conflicts exist in relationships. These conflicts arise from the disconnection with life. Living beings do not have conflicts among themselves because they are in communion, because they are made of the same thing, and therefore there is a perfect integration of their ways and manners. Each living being, in its form, in its appearance, fulfills an absolutely necessary and indispensable function for the whole, and even if they are not conscious of it, there is a communion in all their actions and abilities.
We, human beings, losing that connection with life, live isolated, and from that isolation we try to approach and group ourselves through our particular forms. It is then that the conflicts that later lead to relationships arise. Why? Because we look for something in others that exists in our own background. We are all looking for something that is proper to life and that, however, we attribute to people, forms, and circumstances, and that makes us project feelings and needs that are not there into relationships.
We project, for example, love, when in reality love is a reality that constitutes us, an underlying reality. We seek love through people, which leads to one form or another of dependency; the love that we are becomes something that we seek, that we pretend to have, that we pretend to conquer, that we pretend to attain. This causes that relationships do not function with fluidity and freedom, that there is tension. As I need the other person to give me the love I long for, the security I seek, the recognition that allows me to feel valuable or important, a conflict-creating plot is generated because the other person, even though I believe he or she can, cannot give me any of that.
No matter how loving and affectionate I try to be, I cannot have that kind of love, it cannot be given to me. I can only rediscover it in the self, in my own essence, and only if I allow myself to give it the great secret of love lies in recognizing myself in it and discovering that it is set in motion when I love: those are the two great keys to love. This is what really allows us to live harmonious, healthy, and free relationships, relationships of growth and expansion. If I am waiting for the other to give me love, I will always feel unsatisfied, I will always have a sense of frustration. No matter how much it seems that everything is going smoothly, that the other person is looking out for me, I will not feel full. It is like sugar, like sweets, which seem to give us something, to fill us up, but in the end, they do not nourish; on the contrary, they are toxic and addictive.
I invite everyone to read Matías’ post with the topic of the day.
El Arbol de la Vida - Tercer Ciclo 