AM: where was all the calm of the sea and the ocean?
Me: good question! Today my day had zero calm. I didn’t behave the way I was supposed to behave. In my work, I mean. It happens sometimes. Planning, assisting the other, being part of a service company, leading by example, always helping the customer, sometimes overwhelms me.
AM: And why does it overwhelm you?
Me: because we tend to do a lot more than our share. Because those extra things that we do, and that mark the difference of the service, it seems on the one hand that differentiates us from the rest of the companies that compete with us, but in my case, it always generates the idea that, more than an additional service, it is an excessive use and abuse of the client. At the same time, as what is done is already installed as we must do it, if we do not comply with the times imposed, they press and press, and even, even helping, it seems that we have not done things correctly. And it bothers me even more.
AM: what is the reason why you enter into a game that does not please you?
Me: To prove that I can. Not to disappoint. To keep up the image.
AM: pure appearances, then. To whom do you have to prove something?
Me: to the rest, I don’t care. To myself.
AM: and what must you prove to yourself? That you can be false? That you can manipulate a situation that you don’t consider right, so that they don’t see what really bothers you?
Me: I don’t feel it is balanced.
AM: it is not balanced. You are not being balanced
Me: that’s what I think.
AM: but you think it’s wrong.
Me: why do you say that?
AM: well, the problem you have is that you don’t analyze why it bothers you.
Me: let’s see. I know that there is something rooted somewhere, that I can’t find it, no matter how hard I work and work looking inside myself. There is something that pulls me out, throws me out of place. I tolerate things that I think are not as right as I think they are, and I go along with it until it snowballs, and I explode. The funny thing is that today I don’t explode like I used to explode. It’s much softer. I speak well. I explain in a demurer way. I don’t confront. But I say what I think. And that’s also very hard for the counterpart, too, especially, feeling that, because they’re the client, they feel that they have more power just because they choose not to work with the company anymore, and that’s additional pressure.
AM: and not working means that no money will come in, and therefore, it is a failure and an oversight of not having done things right. But what is doing things right?
Me: that’s what I wonder. What is it to do things right? Can you be degraded by a person who has the power to buy a service from you, just for the sake of doing it? Do you have to move heaven and earth, and much more, to make him satisfied today, even knowing that tomorrow, if he doesn’t keep the same yardstick, he can fire you for no reason? Where is the limit?
AM: you mix many things, and there is still a lot of emotion in it. You know that all of this is in your subconscious, and that somewhere in it there is something that keeps you from being able to see things clearly when something like this happens.
Me: no doubt. I don’t mind helping. I don’t mind that I have to do more than my share. I don’t feel that’s the problem. What bothers me is that the counterpart does not end up seeing what I do. That they demand even though they know about the help. That they don’t even put that pressure that bothers me. And then, that I can’t control it and don’t have the outlet that others demand I have. Either for my sake, or for the sake of others. It is clear to me that I do not feel that I have to do things because others demand me to do so, but I also feel that I demand myself to be more tolerant of certain issues. That I can change the way I say things. That I can make myself understand what I am saying, but from another side. And that part is hard for me.
AM: the confrontation that you don’t know how to transform it into empathy. That word is hard for you. And it is very, very present in your subconscious.
Me: I must work, I must search. I propose to continue knowing myself, and for this, I will go to the depths of my being, and I will bring to the surface what I have to work on.
AM: like everything else, it will not be easy. But with will, love and calm, you will be able to take everything where you need it.
I invite everyone to watch Matias’ video with the theme of the day.
Finally, I encourage everyone to engage in conversation with their own I Am, to listen to what we each have to say to each other. No one else but us can re-signify our own being
El Arbol de la Vida - Tercer Ciclo 