AM: you are a Virginian, and giving help is natural for you.
Me: I feel that way, although I also feel it’s in my own way. I’m not someone who’s all about helping people around me. My way of expressing the help I give, sometimes, is quite dry, I speak as if I am challenging, not with consideration, and then there is confusion between the help I want to give and what my counterpart receives and feels about it.
AM: those small faults that you do not work on, concepts that are not very important to you and that have consequences such as there is no good communication between what you feel, do and speak. It is called imbalance of being.
Me: yes, I know. Pattern inherited and triggered by almost all my life, which makes it hard work for me. But I also know that my essence is to help in what I know, and I have always been like that. In other times it happened to me that I would try to help my schoolmates, explaining mathematics, for example, and I would do everything so that they could understand the concepts. Some of them were very hard, but one way or another I got them to understand.
AM: but the help has always been fundamentally towards those in your intimate environment, the outside was something rather strange for you.
Me: the insecurity that the outside world made me feel also made me withdraw in my actions. Today that has changed. It makes me feel good to help a stranger, in whatever need they have, except the one who asks me for money on the street. It doesn’t make me feel good to have to give money to a person who may need it, but I don’t know what he will use it for.
AM: it is up to each person to decide how he/she wants to help others. Any help is good, there is no need to add morality to a help. It is the sense of action. And as for asking for help?
Me: horrible in this part. I am very closed to asking for help. It’s also an inherited pattern. It has cost me all this path I have walked until today, although I have worked on it more, and if I have to ask for help, I do it. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but I force myself to do it.
AM: it is interesting how your feeling of helping others naturally clashes with your refusal to ask for help if you need it.
Me: totally. I know there is a question of not wanting to bother the other person because many times I have felt annoyed when they ask me for help, and I have to give it. It happens to me mostly when I explain to someone how to do something, and they don’t do it. He doesn’t learn how to do it, even in his own way, then again and again he needs to have it done for him. In my case, instead of saying «no, you do it,» I usually help him, and unload by talking very dryly, maybe badly, and assaulting the person.
AM: very bad of you.
Me: I know, but if I don’t get that energy out, it sticks inside and makes me feel worse.
AM: I know. But it’s not the way, you know it, you try to work on it. Sometimes you get it right and sometimes you get it wrong. And that’s why you have consequences and that’s why when you need help, you don’t ask for it.
Me: it also causes me to ask for help in the failure of not being able to do it myself. It makes me feel bad internally not being able to do it myself.
AM: pride. Another inherited pattern.
Me: The point here is that I don’t feel wrong to have pride. Many times, it has helped me to keep trying, learning and being able to get to where I had set out to be.
AM: we already talked about it, they are all useful tools. The question is to be able to be balanced in their use.
Me: it has also happened to me that there have been situations in which I tried to ask for help and did not receive it.
AM: tell me
Me: while working in the American multinational company, I helped many people around me to give them jobs in the company. It was something that made me feel good to be able to help friends who were out of work and give them a hand with positions that were waiting to be filled in the company.
AM: good intentions
Me: now, when I was out of work, at first, I said to myself, I can make it on my own. Time went by, and the situation of the country was very complicated, it was not a good time, no jobs were being created, and the few that were available required contacts, which I felt I did not have. But as the months went by, and I was not getting anything, I tried to see all those contacts I had made throughout my professional career and ask for help.
AM: something that cost you a lot.
The thing is, I felt that nobody did anything, they never sent me any job that appeared, or to see any person in a company, something that made me feel that they were giving me a hand. Nothing at all. I found it very disillusioning. I felt like, because I was no longer in a place of privilege, now I no longer belonged to that group, and I was discarded in every way. I was discarded.
AM: and you probably were. You no longer suited them as a contact because you were out of the game. But you knew that those contacts you had made in your professional circuit were going to act that way, because that was the characteristic of all of them.
Me: that’s why I was afraid to ask them for help. Still, I did, and I got nothing.
AM: because that kind of help was not what you should learn to use. It was the help from the heart. The one you gave to others. And not out of interest, although we know that at the beginning you did it for that reason, but you understood that helping from the heart made you feel fulfilled.
Me: yes, I know I asked for help where I shouldn’t have. And it was also the perfect excuse for me not to ask anyone for help afterwards.
AM: because I agreed with your way of thinking. That you could help, and no one was going to help you. You still feel it today at some point. But you have already opened to your intimate environment.
Me: yes, I can already ask Adriana, my children, my friends, my parents for help. Little by little I do it.
AM: And how does it make you feel to receive help from them?
Me: it makes me feel wanted, loved.
AM: the most beautiful feeling you can feel. To show your love to others when you help them, and to feel loved when you receive help from others.
I invite you all to watch Matias’ video with the theme of the day.
Finally, I encourage everyone to engage in conversation with their own I Am, to listen to what we each have to say to each other. No one else but us can re-signify our own being